If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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