I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
