while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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