i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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