8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
