break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
