I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
