I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
