Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize