i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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