Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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