Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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