Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
