I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
