Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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