Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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