i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
false alarm, still single
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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