yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
