I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
