I cockslap morals
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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