I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
