hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
