So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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