He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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