I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize