I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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