..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
