Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
