wrigley field is MILF paradise
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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