The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
