everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
