Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
