Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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