Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
