A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
