Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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