Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
