I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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