haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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