The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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