I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
