I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
