how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
