Sponge bath it is.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
