We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
