I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
