You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
