god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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