Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
