matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
