Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
