Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
