Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize