How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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