He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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