Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize