I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
