And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
