I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
