I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
