Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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