I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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