3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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