Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize