so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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