Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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