KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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