My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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