When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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