I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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