i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
