he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
