Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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