Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Life is so much better after having sex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
