Tell her she can't have a vagina
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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