Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
