Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize