The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
