But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize