we're blogging at a bar
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
